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DEAR FAITH: PART ONE

What’s worst? Having children with a d***, or not having children at all?


Dear Faith,

 

I will patiently wait for you, 

Because I don’t wanna have you with a dickhead.

 

And it seems like I’m surrounded by them,

Or maybe that’s just based on my choices,

So maybe I need to change who I’m choosing,

And break the cycle,

But until then I’ma have to wait.

 

And focus on my dreams and aspirations,

So when you come I can fully encourage you to do the same. 

 

Get my money up so I got us and you will have all you need and more. 

 

Remain woke and continue to educate myself,

And grow in knowledge and power.

 

And this may mean that I never meet you. 

It may mean that all my self-work won’t even benefit you. 

But I can’t.

 

I can’t have a baby with a dickhead.

 

Because I believe you deserve more. 

You deserve to feel a father’s love. 

To know what to expect from a man,

And know how they should treat you.

 

I’ma wait.

 

Because I ain’t strong enough to raise you alone. 

My mental health ain’t the strongest at the best of times. 

And having you and knowing that I’m all that you will depend on will stress me. 

 

I work too hard now and hardly sleep to advance myself,

So imagine adding you to the mix. 

 

Being HMRC’s bitch and that childcare will finish me,

Because I’ll have to work 3 jobs to give you the life you deserve.

 

And when I look at you my love may turn to hate,

Because it’s coz of you I’m doing all this,

And without you I could be happily jamming as a freelancer,

And that will put me in a whirlwind of depression,

That I’ma have to crawl out of,

But may just end it with a bottle of pills and Disaronno,

Coz I’m tired.

And you don’t deserve that. 

 

So I’ll wait.

 

I can’t wait to meet you Faith. 

You will be so beautiful and perfect,

With the knowledge of all your ancestors,

And the unrealised power of your continent.

 

And I will push you to be your best. 

Not out of pride,

But because we only get one life,

And I’ve had friends who have died with dreams left inside. 

 

I will back you. 

Be your best friend,

But cuss you as a mum should. 

 

Shop with you,

Laugh with you,

Dream with you,

And most importantly love you.

 

I can’t wait to love you. 

 

I’m dying to share all this love I have inside me with you. 

 

But because of the above,

I have to wait,

Until I feel supported and meet him.

 

The man that will not hurt me.

The man that will do what he says he will.

The man that I will trust,

Because this ain’t no easy task, 

And do this with him.

 

Until then Faith I can’t. 

 

I just can’t. 

 

Mum xx

 

©Written by Stephanie Yamson

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